How Chasing Happiness Can ACTUALLY Make You Less Happy
Happiness is one of the most talked-about goals in modern life.
We chase it, plan for it, and often measure our days by how much of it we felt.
But what if we’ve misunderstood happiness all along?
What if it’s not something to earn or hold on to, but something much quieter and much closer?
Want to watch or listen instead?
You can experience this reflection as a Slow Talks episode here:
Rethinking Happiness
When we ask, “What makes me happy?” the answers often sound like goals:
A better job
A new relationship
A weekend away
Something finished or achieved
And those things can matter. They can lift us.
But they aren’t always where real happiness lives.
Happiness often hides in the in-between.
In the unremarkable.
In the moment you didn’t think to capture.
The Problem With Chasing Happiness
The more we turn happiness into a destination, the more pressure we feel to find it.
To feel good all the time.
That pressure can make happiness harder to reach.
When happiness becomes another task, we start measuring ourselves by how well we’re doing at "being happy."
It becomes a quiet form of performance.
And we end up missing the actual joy that’s already around us.
Happiness Is Not a Constant Feeling
Sometimes happiness shows up like sunlight through trees.
Brief. Gentle. Real.
It might not look like joy.
It might not last long.
It might not be loud.
But that doesn’t make it less true.
If you’ve ever taken a deep breath after a long day,
stood in a quiet forest,
shared a look with someone who really sees you,
or simply felt a small moment of peace,
you’ve felt happiness.
Even if no one noticed.
Even if it didn’t look like much from the outside.
How Do We Know When We're Happy?
It’s not always obvious.
We’re trained to expect big moments.
But often, happiness arrives as stillness.
As a sense of quiet enough-ness that doesn’t need to be named.
Sometimes we miss it because we’re looking for more.
We say, “I’ll be happy when…”
But “when” never quite arrives.
Because happiness does not live in the next moment.
It lives here, if we’re willing to notice it.
Let Happiness Be Small
Instead of chasing happiness, try letting it be small.
Let it arrive naturally.
Without pressure. Without a performance.
Ask yourself:
What if happiness is a side effect of presence?
What if it is not the reward, but the companion — of rest, of meaning, of simply being here?
Free Download: 5 Ways to SLOW DOWN
If you're craving more calm in your day, I’ve created a free guide called 5 Ways to Slow Down.
It offers simple, grounded practices to help you move through life with more presence, and notice the happiness that’s already here.
You can get it here.
There’s no pressure. Just something soft to carry with you if it feels like the right time,
ONLY YOU CAN ALLOW HAPPINESS
No one else gets to decide if you're happy.
Not your followers. Not your job title. Not even the version of yourself you think you're supposed to be.
Happiness does not need to be loud to be real.
It does not need to be big to matter.
It does not need to last to be true.
Maybe happiness is not something we chase.
Maybe it is something we notice.
In a breath.
In a quiet moment.
In the space where nothing is expected, and everything is already enough.
Take care.
And stay close to what calms you.
